In the Gurdjieff Work, one of the objects of self-observation is the voice. This has been a particularly difficult area for me. In conversation I am sometimes able to remember myself as I listen to the other person speak. There is a sensing of the body and an inner listening for reactions that arise. But when it is my turn to speak I go into deep sleep. There is a lack of trust that I can both attend to what I am saying and to what I am sensing and feeling as I speak. I completely give myself up to the concerns of the impression that I am trying to make-the ever-present polishing of the self-image.
In his essay, The Question of Rebirth William Patrick Patterson describes this phenomenon. "Often I see I talk, but it's really that I am talked, some inner tape playing out the same old story once again. All empty words. No one, no self-awareness is there."
It was a few months into my Alexander Technique lessons with Sherry that she first introduced the concept of the mechanics of speaking.The image that she used was the crocodile - it lifts it whole head to open its mouth. This is what you don't want to do. If you look at the human skull you can see that it makes alot more sense to just let the jaw draw drop from its hinge to speak or eat.
So my hope is that by attending to the correct mechanics of speaking, I will keep some attention on the body and speak consciously rather than from a state of total sleep.
Photo Source: urbandental.ca
November 17, 2009
"Your nervous and restless movements make everyone know, consciously or unconsciouly, that you have no authority and are a booby." Gurdjieff, Views from the Real World p90
The other night on Bill Moyer's Journal he interiewed Anna Deavere Smith who currently has a one-woman show at New York's Second Stage Theater. In the 90 minutes of LET ME DOWN EASY, she becomes 20 people on stage, from a rodeo bullrider to a Buddhist monk, cyclist Lance Armstrong and the late governor of Texas, Ann Richards, each talking about life, illnesses, mortality and the human body. The project began when a doctor asked Smith to lend her talents as an interpreter of real voices and characters to the study of modern health care. The New York Times called her "the ultimate impressionist, she does people's souls."
Gurdjieff taught that people do not have a soul - we are not born with a soul, we have to make a soul. He said that what we do have is a repertoire of roles that we play. "You must realize that each man has a definite repertoire of roles which he plays in ordinary circumstances. He has a role for every kind of circumstance in which he ordinarily finds himself in life; but put him into even only slightly different circumstances and he is unable to find a suitable role and for a short time he becomes himself. (In Search of the Miraculous pg 239)
Ms. Smith has developed the ability to listen to people so that she can see both the roles that they play and what is underneath those roles. She explained that in listening to people she lets them talk about whatever they want to talk about so that she can identify their particular rhythmic pattern of talking. To break them out of the roles she - in Gurdjieff's terms - shocks them awake with 3 questions: Have you ever come close to death? Have you ever been accused of something that you didn't do? Do you know the circumstances of your birth?
She said that then there is a greater variety in the way they express themselves.
Here's the link if you want to watch the video or read the transcript.
November 13, 2009
"The only real satisfaction in life is to work not from compulsion but consciously; that is what distinguishes man from a Karabakh ass."
Q. About different voices, I notice that my voice changes with different emotions and different people.
A. Who has ears to hear can hear many changes of voice. Every center, every part of enter, every part of a part of enter has a different coice. But few people have ears to hear them. For those who can hear it is easy to distinguish many things. For instance, if you speak the truth it is one voice, if you lie it is another voice, if you base things on imagination, yet another. It is quite unmistakable.
Q. Do you mean the intonation?
A. Yes, and also the actual sound of the voice. If you train yourself to listen, the emotional center can hear the difference.
This is a CT scan of the curve of the ear. It was made by Radiologist Kai-hung Fung. Click the link below to see more of his images and how he makes them. The back of the nose is particularly beautiful.
I justed added an image of a new painting by Bruce Freedman. It is titled Time Out of Mind. Click on his page in my Art Gallery at the left.
Bruce also provided me with this link to a video on YouTube of a Russian artist painting with sand. It is amazing.
"The power of changing oneself lies not in the mind, but in the body and the feelings. Unfortunately, however, our body and our feelings are so constituted that they don't care a jot about anything so long as they are happy. They live for the moment and their memory is short. The mind alone lives for tomorrow. Each has its own merits. The merit of the mind is that it looks ahead. But it is only the other two that can 'do.'" Gurdjieff, View from the Real World, p222
I came across this link on Twitter to a short interview with the yoga teacher Rodney Yee. It brought up the memories from almost 20 years ago of a weekend retreat of his that I attended. I have a number of memories of the yoga sessions, but one of the stronger memories was of something that happened outside of the sessions. The retreat facility was rather rustic and you had to park your car on one side of a very deep ravine and then cross a suspension foot bridge carrying your stuff. The bridge swayed with each step and I was petrified as I crossed. I think I must have pictured the return crossing more than once during the weekend. At some point during the weekend some of us were over by the ravine and there was Rodney, standing in the middle of the bridge, getting it to sway as much as possible and laughing with the joy of it.
The memory of this fear brought up another fear memory. This time it was a log across a stream that had to be crossed to get from a campground to some abandoned hot springs tubs. Again, I was filled with the imaginings of falling. One day I decided to sit near the log and watch how other people made the crossing. It was very interesting to see the range of reactions. Some people were like me - crossing cautiously and fearfully. On the other extreme was a man carrying a beer in one hand and a baby in the other - just strolling across as if he were on a sidewalk. This range of reactions even extended to dogs! One dog refused to cross and had to be carried by its owner, another dog ran across without a second's hesitation.
I thought about how much of my life has been circumscribed by my fears. I was reading about fear in Ouspensky's The Fourth Way. He says, "You must understand that many things you ascribe to things outside you are really in you. Take for instance fear. Fear is independent of things. If you are in a state of fear, you can be afraid of an ash-try....You are afraid, and then you choose what to be afraid of....Fear is simply a certain state; it can be without any object. This shows how useless negative emotions are. We often invent objects for an emotion when the emotion is already there. Take envy, fear, suspicion. We think the emotion is produced in us by something outside, when in reality it is in us, we only look for an object afterwards, and in this way we justify it." The point that Ouspensky makes is that since the fears are inside of us, we can work with them. The trick, of course, is not to identify with them.
November 03, 2009
"Do not be overcurious nor waste time on things that attract your attention but are not worth it." Gurdjieff, Views from the Real World p59
"You need the substance that struggle will give you." Gurdjieff, Voices in the Dark p114
The quote above is from the transcript of one of the group meetings that Gurdjieff held in his apartment in Paris during World War II. The question that was put to Mr. Gurdjieff was "I don't see exactly what path to follow and what aim to have in view." Mr. Gurdjieff responds that one must "accumulate the results of struggle...struggle between your head and your animal." He tells the questioner to deny his body what it likes.
What I find so amazing about this it that these students were living under great hardship. Everything was rationed. Electricity and gas was scarce and the winters of the Occupation were among the coldest on record. So it was a very hard life and yet Gurdjieff was telling his students to sacrifice more.
I try to keep this in mind when my animal is getting the upper hand.
These transcripts are included in William Patrick Patterson's Voices in the Dark. He interleaves these transcripts with descriptions of what was going on with the war and what it was like to live in Nazi-occupied Paris.
Photo: A.D.N. Zentralbild (Berlin RDA)
October 31, 2009
Gurdjieff-"The results of work are in proportion to the consciousness of the work." In Search of the Miraculous p49
In my last Alexander lesson Sherry noticed that there was something strange going on with my left leg as I walked. She discerned that there was a subtle forward movement of my left hip as I moved the left leg forward. This resulted in a contracting of the mid back on the right side - coincidentally, a spot where I have noticed a sensation of tightness for many years.
She had me practice walking with keeping the pelvis stabilized and beginning the movement by popping the knee forward. She also had me walk backwards for a while because it is much easier to keep everything correctly aligned and not mechanically fall into old patterns.
It all makes sense when you look at the structure of the hip joint. It is a ball-and-socket joint, with the head of the femur fitting into the pelvis at what is called the acetabulum, which means 'vinegar cup'. (Where do they get these names??)
This CD has just gone on sale here . This is the first time the Gurdjieff/de Hartmann music has been accompanied by the singing of Gurdjieff's prayers. It was recorded live at two recitals in Washington, D.C. and in Baltimore. I was fortunate enough to be at the DC recital. It was worth the cross-country flight.
The prayers are from Gurdjieff's Legominism All and Everything and are sung by my friend Nancy Caporaso to music that she composed.
Here's a short review:
"Innovative and visionary. The prayer hymns are direct, unadorned and powerful, Nancy Caporaso's voice warm and resonant. Michael Dale's assured playing conveys a heartfelt affinity with the Gurdjieff music. Deeply vital music transmitted through the musicians with a special quality of attention that calls us to listen actively." —Mary Ellen Korman, A Woman's Work
Gurdjieff- "The acquisition or transmission of true knowlege demands great labor and great effort both of him who receives and of him who gives." Search p39
In continuing with this train image of the spine that I mentioned in the last post...I think of the sacrum as the caboose. The important thing about the caboose is that it shouldn't get in front of the engine. So I try to use the attention when walking or standing to see that the hips are aligned with the shoulders. This puts a lot less stress on the lower back.
The word sacrum comes from the Latin word sacer, meaning sacred. So the sacrum is the sacred bone. Actually it is the fusion of 5 vertebrae. In the illustration above it is the triangular shape in the middle that connects to the hip bones, forming the infamous sacroiliac joint. Though the sacrum is securely attached to the 'wings' of the pelvis, it does have some independent movement and can become misaligned. I first became interested in the sacrum when I began to experience pain near my left sacroiliac joint. I don't know for sure if it was misaligned, but something was definitely wrong. I suspect the problem was due to inproper alignment in certain yoga poses. Or, maybe, it was too much slouching on the couch. But it was what brought me to The Alexander Technique. By learning the proper use of the body and by spending time each day in the wonderful 'semi-supine' position it feels like things are back where they should be.
Photos: Atlas of Clinical Anatomy, Artist: Terry Dolan
I'm working through Leland Vall's Alexander Technique manual, The Secret to Using Your Body. He has an image that I'm finding is very useful. He says, "Think of your spine as a train with 34 cars, one for each of your vertebrae, with the engine at the top." You try to create as much space as possible between each of the cars.
Well, better late than never. Any blog about self-exploration that is worth its weight in pixels should have a post on the publication of Jung's Red Book.
Although I must have read about Jung in college (actually, I think I minored in Psych) I really didn't understand what he was about. It wasn't until decades later and I read Eating the 'I' by William Patrick Patterson that I got an inkling of how art can be used as an exploration of archetypes. The inside covers are an art gallery of his paintings. He writes, "The images appeared in dreams, in meditation, or would suddenly appear on the canvas. What did they have to say? What did they mean? All I knew was I wanted to pain them as fearlessly as I could. I say 'fearlessly' because through the medium of painting I felt I had taken a deep dive into the subconscious and I didn't want to spoil the connection by 'civilizing' them. I found myself, what I took to be myself, taken up into the mystery of painting, the experiencing of 'being painted through,' rather than the 'me' who was painting. To give these inner images the freedom to surface, that which took itself as 'the painter' had to step aside, become passively active. Painting in this way consciousness transcends the physical plane and, stepping out of psychological time, 'enters' the painting. In this merger the only content in consciousness is the process of painting itself. The ensuing silence allowed subconscious images to manifest. The connection strong enough, the images spoke, not in words but in their manifesting form and presence. They were not always pretty. Self-sincerity was demanded. Otherwise, the channel might close."
I have some of Patterson's images in my Art Gallery (see the panel on the left). I've also added some paintings from my friend Bruce Freedman that show some of his inner journey.
