Gurdjieff, Lithops and Multiple "I"s

  
My husband is an avid gardner and it is always a delight to go out into our yard and see his latest plantings. The other day I saw that he had set out the oval pot that he had found at a thrift store the day before. But I couldn't figure out why he had filled it with rocks rather than planting something in it. Then I looked more closely and saw that some of the rocks were actually plants. It turns out that they are a South African species called lithops. Lithops comes from the Greek meaning stone. They mimic the colors and the textures of the stones in their immediate environment as a survival strategy against things, such a turtles, that like to eat them.

When my husband said "survival strategy" an analogy popped into my head connecting the lithops and Gurdjieff's teaching on multiple "I"s. All of my "I"s survive by blending into the environment of 'me.' I'm not aware of them because I take them to be part of the landscape -  my imagined indivisible I.

The analogy can be carried further because the lithos grow in clusters just as our "I"s are often in clusters. The cluster is grouped around one issue, but the different "I"s were created at different times and with slightly different relationships to the issue. For example, I may have a cluster of "I"s that formed around my experiences with authority figures. When I first begin to observe my functioning in circumstances with authority figures I may become aware of an "I" that is fearful. As I continue to observe I may see an "I" that is angry or a newer "I" that is passive-aggressive... and on and on and on.

If I take the pot to be analogous to my body and the clusters of plants to be my "I"s, then where is my indivisible I? This section from the Introduction to William Patrick Patterson's Spiritual Survival in a Radically Changing World-Time describes the dilema:

"But where is this 'I'? What is the referent? To what can I point? The primary assumption of my life is that this 'I' is real, something substantial, indivisible. And yet all my moods, thoughts, feelings and impulses, even beliefs (though they are more dense) are all changeable and many are contradictory, some extreme, given the circumstances.

"So, again, with answers not forthcoming or ambiguous, the question echoes, but now perhaps more immediately, more insistently - Who am I?"

The lithops are supposed to flower in the Fall. I'll post a picture if they actually do. Then I can carry the analogy further with the flowering representing some outrageous behavior that brings an "I" into awareness. And then we can ponder - What is it that is aware?